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Hey Bubba.. It's Sam.
wow, where to start? this is so much harder than i ever thought it would be. I guess I could apologize a whole lifetime and it still wouldn't be enough for you to forgive me.. And I don't blame you, I'd probably do the same thing if I was in your place. But I wish you would at least read this because I think you deserve to know everything.
First of all,
I am sorry.
I can't explain how much i regret even trying to get you out of my life. I failed miserably. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about you, or us for that matter. I love you Suzie, I really fucking do. There is not a person on this planet that I love more than you. I can't explain the feeling I get when you are talking to me. You fulfill my life. For the past two years I have been dead without you.I'm sorry. It's all my fault. You never deserved this, you're wonderful.You really are, and don't ever forget that. Now you might think, "bullshit, why'd you leave then if you care?"
Well, I will tell you everything.
Suzie, my name is Aleksandra, I'm from Serbia. I am a girl. My birthday is on 2nd of september and I will be 16 this year. I have pretended to be a guy online since like.. 2010 on OurWorld. I first created a male character out of fun. That's when hell started.I started liking girls. Lying to everybody i met, wanting to tell the truth but ended up lying even more..Until I met you. You were like the first person I actually wanted to admit everything. But then I fell in love. I was so scared to tell you anything because I thought you'd leave me for good, I still am. I wanted you to know the truth so bad, but I just couldn't. So one day i left. I thought that maybe I could forget that this all happened and continue a normal life. But boy was i wrong. I loved you, I still do. I wanted to come back, sooo many times but I just couldn't, I was so scared. I was ashamed that I love a girl. It was all so difficult. Stupid thoughts going through my head. I don't even have the money to see you if you ever accept I'm a girl, no way I'll see you soon. But, now that i realised how much I care about you, I don't think a thousand years would be too much to wait. I don't even have my room yet, since my parents got divorced. I couldn't talk to you. I was so mad at myself for leaving you but yet so scared to admit all these things.So what now? I couldn't take it anymore. When you're birthday came, i broke down. Don't think I forgot. I broke down, crying the whole damn night.. What if she doesn't love me anymore? What if she hates me? I wanted to know so bad. I wish I could go back, but I can't. It's like as if there was a road, and you were leading the way.. but I was scared to go back, since I don't know the way back. And even if i did i still couldn't leave you alone. I never meant to do you wrong.. I need you. You mean so much to me. I don't think you will ever understand just how much you do. I'm sorry if you forgot me and now I'm just a bad reminder, but I had to tell you. Even if you hate me, I can't live my whole life trying to hide the truth from you.I am really sorry..I miss you, and
I love you.
